I'm Losing It
By Joan Lloyd
“I’m losing it,” a client confided lately. “I’m short tempered and abrupt with my staff, I’m forgetting details, I even got into a fight with my wife.” It’s no wonder, with his double-booked schedule and a new hard-to-read boss. “I’m usually tougher than this…I’ve handled a lot on my plate before,” he reasoned, as he struggled to figure out why he felt like he was out of control.
Everyone has their limits and it can surprise you
when you hit the wall, especially if you have a long track record
of juggling a lot of responsibilities and handling pressure. In my
experience, the sense of coming unglued tends to be linked to two
different causes: the quantity of responsibilities has hit the
tipping point; or the personal risks –loss of credibility,
status, self-esteem, and/or admiration—are threatening your
very core. And if both hit at once, you can experience a
meltdown.
In the case of sheer overload, it can be a tricky
balancing act. For example, I am at my best when I have a lot to
do. I get my momentum revved up and I can knock off tremendous
amounts of work. It’s exhilarating when I can tick off half
of my to do list before the day is done. For me, those bursts of
productivity are satisfying. But if I have to operate at that speed
every day, it burns me out.
Like a speeding car racing down a hill, you have to
put on the brakes. You may not be able to control the volume of
work but you can intentionally slow down your pace.
Some of the things I recommend to put on the brakes
and regain control:
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Take ten minutes with your assistant every week (or every day if needed) to do some calendar planning. Go over the meetings for the week and ask, “Do I really need to go to this meeting, or could I send someone else, or simply call the person to get the task done?” “Do I have enough time to get from meeting to meeting?” “Can any of these meetings be cancelled or rescheduled?” “Can I shorten the agenda to shorten the time?” This ten minutes will pay extra dividends because your assistant will be a better gatekeeper.
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Negotiate timeframes, deadlines and deliverables. Rather than racing toward a fixed outcome, perhaps the deliverable can be modified to give you a little breathing room. Monday morning may work just as well as Friday afternoon for the weekly report. Perhaps half of the data will be enough to get things moving on a project –and the team can get started without every T crossed on the front end. Frequently, we go crazy racing toward a goal we feel is intractable, rather than adjusting it for reality.
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Go for a walk. I know it seems counterintuitive when you’re swamped but even 20 minutes on a treadmill or a walk outside at lunch will give you a little down time that you can use to clear your head, or if you choose, think through a problem in a more meditative state.
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Talk slower. It will make you appear less frenzied and help you stay calm. It will also keep everyone else around you from freaking out. Think of it like the “duck paddle” –glide smoothly through the chaos, even if you are paddling like hell underneath.
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Close your door and block out some time to pound through whatever is piling up. Once you feel you have made a dent in the pile, your anxiety will start to fade because you will feel some progress toward completing the task.
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Stay late and clean up the mess on your desk. Simply sorting through and organizing the piles will help you to stage a plan of attack and allow you to come in fresh the next morning and get productive fast.
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Give the key people around you permission to “manage” you. For example, ask your assistant to remind you, push you, and even nag you about balls you can’t afford to drop. Ask your staff to step up and take things off your plate and push back if you are meddling in areas they can handle.
When you are losing it as a result of being
overloaded, you can usually fix it with tangible steps. However,
when you start to slide down the rat hole because of a threat to
something deeper, it can be harder to regain control.
It can often come on as a result of the ground
tilting beneath your feet, and your ego, self-esteem, and values
are being affected. For example, your former boss loved your work
but the new boss seems dismissive; your peers are hostile toward
the project you’ve poured your heart into; a younger version
of yourself is stealing the limelight.
Depending on your personality, you may act
outwardly (irritability, temper flares), or inwardly (loss of
confidence, withdrawal, depression, or self-defeating behaviors
such as drinking too much).
Working with a coach, or trusted colleague, who can
hold up the mirror and help you regain a more objective perspective
is usually helpful. If you can strip it down to the bare reality of
what is actually happening, and how you are choosing to interpret
it, you will begin to get a grip. For example, does the new boss
really dislike you, or is he just busy getting acclimated in his
new company? A good coach can also help you identify some tools you
can use to take positive steps, instead of self-defeating ones, to
regain your balance and feel more in control.
