Dipping Your Pen in the Company Ink
By Nicole Williams
We don't all come to work with visions of hearts and flowers but it happens anyway. Work is where we spend our days, explore ourselves and build our networks. Why would dating be excluded? That said, decisions around whether to date a co-worker, or how to handle an in-office relationship are extremely personal. There are no right answers. There may, however, be a company policy. Legislation doesn't regulate matters of the heart, but you definitely want to understand the potential implications of a relationship with a co-worker. Find out how your organization views at-work relationships, and start your decision making process from there. The following strategy can help you sort through both the emotions and the day-to-day realities of dating at work
What's Your Intention?
No shame here, it's just important to acknowledge your purpose. The parameters of the relationship and the level of risk are directly proportional to your intention. Are you having a one-nighter with the company CEO to leverage a promotion? (High risk). Are you wildly infatuated with the boss you barely know? (Medium risk). Or have you developed a mutually supportive relationship with a co-worker you've come to trust and respect? (Low risk).
‘Fess Up
If you think you can hide your affair from your co-workers, think again. I've worked with more than a few ‘undeclared' couples who thought they had the office duped. Note: Do not leave for vacation at exactly the same time, both return with a tan and outright refuse to know anything about each other's whereabouts. Attempts to keep the relationship a secret usually fail and invite interest, speculation and gossip.
First stop, top floor
This might sound a little goodie-two-shoes, but my suggestion is to share your relationship with your boss first. Not in an, "I'd like your permission" or parental kind of way, but rather in a "we've thought about this relationship responsibly and care about your business and our careers" kind of way. Inevitably your boss will find out anyway, and you want her to be confident you will behave in a professional, ethical and responsible manner. Your boss can even be an ally to help create personal and professional boundaries.
Nix the Public Displays of Affection (PDA)
Blatant and indiscrete PDA is difficult to stomach at the best of times but most certainly restrain yourself at the office. No one wants to watch you make out in the office corridor.
Use Discretion
If you've decided to date in the office, your days of coming into work to gossip about last night's Tantric sex session or wicked fight are over. Your new lover is someone else's co-worker or boss. Create some ground rules as a couple about sharing personal information with your professional peers. Note: Your on-site tech support might be enjoying your new boyfriend's racy messages as much as you are.
Even when you conduct yourself "by the book," you should know that your relationship may still change some of your co-workers' perceptions of you. For example, you and your colleague/boyfriend are sitting together in the company lunchroom and you wonder why everyone is opting to eat in their offices. Once you are attached to a partner at work, you might notice that others begin to avoid you, often with the best intention—to give you some space. In a new relationship you may be excluded from invitations for drinks after work and conversations others fear you will share with your beau (especially if he's the boss).
While your dating relationship will inevitably offer a whole new experience of company culture, you might start to miss what you once enjoyed. The more you can sustain professional and personal boundaries, prove your ability to be trustworthy and discrete, and continue to retain relationships with other co-workers, the less you will miss out on.
