How can suspending my beliefs inspire my team and resolve conflicts?
By Gary Cohen
Early in my career, I thought of other people as either with me or against me. If they were with me and kept up, super. If they made mistakes or took too long to get with the program, look out. There was only one trajectory and this comet was not slowing down, let alone stopping. This egocentric mindset helped me build my business quickly, but I left behind a wake of people who I perceived got in my way of achieving the organization's goal. This phenomenon is sometimes called the "backside" or "shadow side" of the super-driven entrepreneurial leader.
I was not completely blinded by my success. I knew when I had violated my values, and in these instances I would turn on all the charm I could muster and apologize. But because I thought of myself as smarter and a better problem-solver than those I worked with, I did not give these talented individuals a chance to be successful. I would ask questions to uncover information, but would not let responders help solve the problem. I would pretend to listen to differing opinions, or listen just enough to be able to refute them, but I rarely, if ever, changed my position or beliefs.
While I grew the company, I poisoned the culture of cooperation and did not allow new leaders to develop. And I did not give myself a chance to change and grow. I clung tightly to my belief system and did not let others truly test it. Worse, as a leader, I did not try to understand and work with others' belief systems.
Dan Craft, who wrote a training manual for the FBI, told me that people always act in concert with their belief systems. Their belief systems may not be conventional, but even serial killers have an interior logic that dictates their behavior. To grow as a person and empower your team members, you must suspend your beliefs while listening to others. In doing so, you will open your belief system to new angles and insights, and your questions will not carry a tone of disbelief or judgment. Not surprisingly, if you demonstrate a willingness to understand others' beliefs, they will be more apt to embrace yours or accept a compromise. On the other hand, if you demand that everyone subscribe to your beliefs, you will have few true followers.
Leaders are not the only ones who are overly protective of their beliefs. If you find resistance during a conversation with a team member, invite them to suspend their beliefs for just five minutes. If you ask and they comply, they will more likely look for and accept the merit in your position.
Just because your beliefs are deeply embedded does not mean that they should be held sacrosanct or that there can not be value in a different belief system. Open yourself up to new perspectives. Suspend your own beliefs for just five minutes.
