Are you playing it too safe?
By Richard Bolles
Our Safekeeping Self is the part of us which likes to maintain our status quo, guarantee us freedom from fear, and give us a feeling of safety because the circumstances are known and familiar - even if they are grim, as in a bad marriage. On the other hand, the Experimental Self is the part of us which likes to strike out in new directions, and try new things; it is the part of us which craves adventure, and a better life.
In normal circumstances, the Safekeeping Self and the
Experimental Self operate within each of us as a dynamic duo,
maintaining balance and equilibrium with each other. Thus, in a
typical situation, the Experimental Self contributes an openness to
new things and ideas, curiosity, and imagination; while the
Safekeeping Self contributes reassurance, support, analysis, and
guidance.
So much for theory. In actual fact, this dynamic balance can get
badly out of whack. And at such times, the Safekeeping Self often
seems to rule our lives, and thwart adventure at the start. The
question is: what are those times?
First, a little bit of background. By and large, throughout our
lives, we find ourselves living in one of four lands:
Land #1: By accident or choice, we are thrust into a new and unfamiliar situation: perhaps by the death of a loved one, a divorce, a termination when we least expect it, a move to a different part of the country, an entering into marriage, the children leaving home, a falling into straitened financial circumstances, retirement, or a career-change. Because of this new situation, this "New World" if you like, is so unfamiliar to us, we spend all our energy just trying to find out what this New World is like. Our major fixation: What's Happening?
Land #2: We are in the new situation, the New World, and we have gotten a handle - however temporarily - on what's happening, and now we have moved on in our thinking. We are focused now on how it is we "make it" in this new world: emotionally, financially, socially, and mentally, even at a minimal level. Our major fixation: Can I Survive?
Land #3: We have not only gotten a handle on what's happening, but we have figured out that we can indeed survive in this new situation, this New World, and now we have moved on again in our thinking to the question of what we want to accomplish or achieve for our lives, our work, our social relationships, our faith. Our major fixation: What Am I Trying To Accomplish?
Land #4: We have a handle (however tenuously) on what's
happening, and how to survive, and what we want to accomplish. Now
we move on in our thinking - as time passes - to the question of
whether or not we are accomplishing, with our lives, what we set
out to do. Our major fixation: How Am I Doing?
We may, then, describe these four lands as:
1. The Land Of Information Gathering
2. The Land Of Action
3. The Land Of Goal Setting
4. The Land Of Evaluation
Normally, when our Safekeeping Self and our Experimental Self
are operating in equilibrium and balance, it is because we are in
either Land #3, or Land #4.
Normally.
When, however, we are moving (or contemplating moving) into a new situation - such as a career-change, or looking for a job at a new place - we drop back to Land #1, and often find that our Safekeeping Self suddenly comes to full alert, hits the panic button, and starts careening off walls.
The person whose Safekeeping Self is thus panicking has, of course, no idea why he or she is unable to take the next step in their hoped-for a new adventure. It is, as I said earlier, like a computer 'hanging'. If you have such a computer, could you possibly explain why it hung the last three times that it did? Not likely! No more does a person know why they hang. They just do. Next week I'll review the three rules for moving past the Safekeeping self and into new adventures.
