If They Don't Care, Don't Waste Your Time
Try to change people who don't care, and you end up wasting everyone's time
By Marshall Goldsmith

My mother was a first-grade schoolteacher back in Kentucky. In her mind, I was always in the first grade, my father was a first grader, and all of our relatives were in the first grade. (read more...)

Five Ways to Praise Employees
By Bob Nelson

In my ongoing research on employee recognition, I have identified five unique ways to thank employees. Although these different types of praise may seem related, they are each mutually exclusive because they tend to be separate actions, each with their own benefits. (read more...)

Goals: Multiply Options
Expand employee's options with a new twist on goal setting
By Bev Kaye

Do you get a knot in your stomach when a valued employee begins a conversation
with one of these phrases? "I'd like to talk to you about my career," "I'm interested in talking about my next step," "I don't understand why I didn't get that promotion." (read more...)

If They Don't Care, Don't Waste Your Time (^ top)
Try to change people who don't care, and you end up wasting everyone's time

By Marshall Goldsmith
From FastCompany: Issue 84, Page 93

My mother was a first-grade schoolteacher back in Kentucky. In her mind, I was always in the first grade, my father was a first grader, and all of our relatives were in the first grade. Mom was always correcting Dad's grammar. Whenever he made a grammatical error, she would give him that stern first-grade-teacher look and bark, "Bill! Bill!" For some reason, we decided to buy a talking bird. Within a couple of months, the bird was chirping, "Bill! Bill!" Now poor old Dad was even being corrected by the bird!

One day when Dad was 80 years old, Mom began her thousandth grammar lesson. He looked up at her, smiled, and sighed in his crackling voice, "Honey, I'm 80 years old. Let it go!"

Does my mom sound familiar to you? Have you ever tried to change the behavior of someone who had absolutely no interest in changing? How much luck did you have in this religious-conversion activity? My guess is none. How much time did you waste? My guess is lots.
I have asked these questions of hundreds of people. Sometimes the context is the office, and sometimes the context is the home. But their answers are almost always the same: "I have spent a lot of time and produced no results. In fact, I am only succeeding in frustrating myself and annoying the people I want to change!"

These efforts can be particularly nettlesome at work. As an executive coach, I have a unique business model: I don't get paid if my clients don't get better. "Better" is not determined by me, nor is it decided by the person I coach. The pre-selected stakeholders who work with the person I coach ultimately judge if he or she has improved.

I will never forget the first time I didn't get paid for my coaching activities. What was my biggest problem in this case? My ego. The Wall Street Journal had just ranked me as one of the world's leading executive educators. This went straight to my head, you might say. I started believing I was so great that I could save people. I had the delusional fantasy that other people would get better solely because of my presence.

My client just didn’t care. He had a problem treating people with respect. He didn't care about the people he managed, and he certainly didn't care about me and my newly won reputation. When I asked him why his coworkers felt he did not respect them, he grunted, "Because they are all fools!" This comment should have been a hint. I should have said good-bye. But no. I believed I was one of the world's leading consultants, remember? Unfortunately, I was being one of the world's dumbest consultants.

When working with this uncaring client, I began to feel that I was aimlessly pounding my head against a brick wall. After 18 months of complete failure, I cut my losses and admitted defeat. I learned three hard lessons:

1. I can't make people change if they have no interest in changing.

2. "Big ego" and "money-back guarantee" don't mix.

3. For a brief spell, I had turned into my mother.

For you, I have an equally hard lesson: You can't make people change, either.

As a coach, I have finally learned to work only with dedicated leaders who are committed to personal improvement -- great people who want to become even more effective. I work with people who care. I help executives change only what they have chosen to change. In the end, that is all that I can do anyway.

If you are a manager, you need to qualify the people whom you are coaching in the same way I qualify the clients I coach. Your time is very limited. You are probably too busy now. Invest your valuable time only where you will get a return. The time that you are wasting in attempting to coach people who don't care is time that is stolen from helping the people who do.

I know that sounds harsh, but you really don't have a choice. What can you do with a person who doesn't care? Knowing when to let go, as I ultimately did with my uncaring client, is perhaps the hardest aspect of coaching. But once it's clear that your message isn't going to get across, you have but one option.

As a Buddhist, one of my goals is to help you have a happier life. Do you have any objection to this goal? If you are still trying to change people who don't care -- either at work or at home -- let it go. If you never learn anything else from me, please remember this. You'll not only have a more productive life, you'll be happier, too.

Marshall Goldsmith (www.marshallgoldsmith.com ) is corporate America's preeminent executive coach and a founder of Marshall Goldsmith Partners.

Copyright © 2004 Gruner + Jahr USA Publishing. All rights reserved.
Fast Company, 375 Lexington Avenue.,New York, NY 10017

Five Ways to Praise Employees (^ top)
By Bob Nelson

In my ongoing research on employee recognition, I have identified five unique ways to thank employees. Although these different types of praise may seem related, they are each mutually exclusive because they tend to be separate actions, each with their own benefits.

Personal praise. Employees consider this the most important type of praise. Personal praise consists of being verbally thanked one-on-one for doing good work, being specifically sought out for such praise by one's manager or being commended for good work in front of another person. The best personal praise is timely, sincere and specific.

Written praise. Written praise, which is considered to be the second most valued type of praise by employees, also comes in several varieties: from a letter of commendation being added to an employee’s personnel file to a written note of thanks. Writing a thank-you not to your employees takes less time than you might think—and the impact is significant.

Electronic praise. Twenty-eight percent of employees report it is "extremely important" to them to have positive e-mail messages forwarded to them and 65 percent say it's "extremely or very important" to be copied on positive e-mail messages. Use this technology to highlight any good news as it occurs. And don't forget the use of voicemail as well to leave a positive word of thanks--without rolling into another work assignment or project.

Public praise. There is an almost an endless variety of ways to acknowledge employees publicly. You can sharing positive letters from customers or post them on a "Good News Bulletin Board." You can take time at the beginning or end of department or companywide meetings to thank performers or encourage employees to acknowledge one another at group meetings. The company newsletter can be used to post positive information, name top performers, or thank project teams.

Indirect praise. You can use any of the above communication to praise someone and his or her performance to others even if he or she is not present, knowing that word will get back to the individual or individuals who are commended. For some employees, this form of recognition is the most credible because it is done without any expectation in return.

It doesn't take a lot to make a big difference in how your employees feel about themselves and their work. Try to connect with your employees in a way that they'll remember for years to come!

Goals: Multiply Options (^ top)
Expand employee's options with a new twist on goal setting
By Bev Kaye

Do you get a knot in your stomach when a valued employee begins a conversation
with one of these phrases?

I'd like to talk to you about my career ...
I'm interested in talking about my next step ...
I don't understand why I didn't get that promotion ....

The knot is understandable. Many of your best employees are looking for a much-needed and well-deserved conversation about moving up in the organization. Without a doubt, you want to keep them. However, "up" may be in short supply.

Yes, you might lose some of them. But our 20 years of research reveals that not all those who say they want vertical moves will leave if they don't get them. However, they will leave if they aren't challenged, growing, and enjoying new experiences.

Right Moves that Aren't Up Moves

The more specifically you outline alternative goals and options, the less apt your employees are to see other grass as greener. Consider the following possibilities with the talent on your team. In some cases, an employee may leave your team but stay with the organization. In other cases, you may need to let go completely and wish them well. In every case, you - and your people - win.

Lateral Movement - Moving Across or Horizontally
Lateral moves used to spell dead end, but not any longer. Today they offer much-needed breadth of experience and opportunities to develop and nurture new skills.

Example: A talented accounting manager moves to a human resources position to gain knowledge of that function in preparation for a step up.

Realignment - Moving Downward to Open New Opportunities
Sometimes the best path to a career goal involves a step backward to gain a better position for the next move or to return to work that's more meaningful.

Example: A technical manager takes a step down from management because he actually prefers to be an individual contributor.

Exploration - Moving Temporarily to Research Other Options
These moves may be short-term job assignments in other parts of the company, participating on project teams with people from other departments, or even going on informational interviews.

Example: A trainer was given the opportunity to move to the Information Technology (IT) department to strengthen her technical skills.

Enrichment - Growing in Place
This is often the easiest yet most often ignored option. Enrichment means expanding the job, refining expertise, or finding depth in areas that your employees really enjoy.

Example: A project manager leveraged her artistic talents by attending graphic design classes and then using her new skills on the job.

Relocation: Moving to Another Organization
This is the least favorite option for most managers, but there are times when it simply must be considered. If an employee's skills, interests, or values just don't fit the work or if his or her career goals simply cannot be met now or ever, and he or she does not want to wait, you may need to help that employee successfully evaluate options elsewhere. If you can be supportive during this kind of transition, the departing employee can be a great ambassador for you and your company.

Example: An employee who wanted to work for a small entrepreneurial company left a larger, more bureaucratic environment. Her boss helped her make the move. She still thanks him and refers business his way.

When Up Is All They Want

Sometimes the vertical option is the only one some of your talented employees want. What to do? Be honest. Sit down with them and talk about the possibilities and even the timing. Talk about the organization's strategic direction and the types of opportunities that may open up in the future.

To Do

• Ask your employees about their goals. Then listen carefully as they tell you what they want.
• Discuss multiple options, including choices like lateral moves and enrichment opportunities.
• Tell the truth - about the organization's direction and needs, as well as your employees' strengths and weaknesses.
• Offer to help. No matter which option your employees decide to pursue, you can help.
• Celebrate the payoff, which is grateful, committed employees. Even if they leave to pursue new career goals, they'll sing your praises, send you business, and possibly return to work for you again!

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